I like to be a shining star, but one that no one sees

by Julie Frayn on January 30, 2012 in  Bric-a-brac

True confessions time.

I’ve always been a keener (okay, not really a confession, many of you know that already).  I’ve always strived to do my absolute best in everything I do. Well, except maybe housework.  But I never liked being publicly recognized for anything. Never wanted to be pointed out, mentioned, had a light shone on me. I am trying, very hard, to step out into the light, if even just in the virtual world. I think I’ve got most of one toe comfortable with the idea, but the rest of me is visibly shaken by the prospect.

People have said I seem confident. It’s the old ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ ruse. I try to follow some advice my mother gave me as a child:

If you want to be happy, smile!
~Mom

I want to be confident, so I pretend to be. Luckily no one notices that my knees are shaking.

When I post a blog entry I can’t help but wonder, what if people don’t like it? What if they think I’m weird/nuts/stupid? I mean, I know I’m weird. And a little nuts. My family and friends know it too, but do I want other people to figure that out?  I guess the cat is out of that bag as soon as I publish this.

On other blogs I follow, or on Facebook pages with wide audiences full of strangers, I will type in comments – and then delete them before posting.  When I do post something, there is this weird, unsettled feeling the minute I realize it’s too late to take it back. Someone might read it! Someone might see me! The horror!!!  Kind of dumb, huh? A writer with a fear of being widely read.

For those of you with similar issues (social anxiety, shyness, wallflower syndrome, nerdlinger awkwardness, fear of the light – whatever you call it), how do you cope? How do you overcome? How do you get, and stay, out of your shell?

(I’ve been sitting on this entry for days, editing, tweaking, hovering over the publish button before just logging off instead.  Today I vowed to just post the darn thing!)

 

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Carolyn January 30, 2012 at 1:25 pm

When you are in your own niche, your comfort level rises the more you write / blog / post / etc… it took me years to realize that in my own area, different from yours of course, I was knowledgable and contributed well. I do not have your way with words though. :) To this day I am still nervous to hit the “OK” or “Submit” button.

Reply

Julie January 30, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Runs in the blood, perhaps? :D. We will take turns pushing each other out of the nest…

Sean Farley February 1, 2012 at 10:54 pm

You are not alone! You really do get to a point in your life when you realize “stepping out” is necessary if you want to achieve success (success, I know, is different for all us, but you catch my drift). But I’m like you – when it comes to blogging someting as simple as “a post,” I’m constantly rewriting sentences, deleting, starting over, wondering if they (whoever “they” are) will – God forbid! – like me or not. And really we shouldn’t care. But we’re human, so we DO care. Stick your foot out, feel the warmth – the limelight, so to speak, feels good. :)

Reply

Julie February 2, 2012 at 6:58 am

It’s good to care. Always :D. And good to be in this leaky boat with others as cool as yourself! Wish I’d leapt out of my nest years earlier, then it would not be so daunting now. But if wishes were fishes as my mother would say – well, this chick would be in heaven!

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