Dirty, sexy, grammar – conjugation

by Julie Frayn on September 7, 2012 in  Dirty, Sexy, Grammar

So if prisoners are allowed conjugal visits, when you conjugate a verb are you screwing? Or screwed? Or just plain stupid for sleeping with a hardened criminal? Something like that.

One definition of conjugation is “to become joined together; to pair and fuse in conjugation.”

Well I’ll be damned. You are screwed.

When you conjugate a verb, you change its form to agree with the subject that is doing the action. According to Wikipedia (so it must be true), conjugation may be affected by person, number, gender, tense, aspect, mood, voice, or other grammatical categories.

Singular conjugation is when you conjugate a verb being performed by one subject. Think of it as grammatical masturbation.

Group conjugation is when you conjugate a verb being performed by more than one subject. That’s our grammatical threesome. Or maybe it’s an orgy. (This is usually called plural conjugation but ‘group’ fits nicely into my bad jokes)

Online conjugation. When you just can’t do it yourself, you can get a little online, um, assitance. Visit www.conjugation.com for all your conjugal needs. Don’t worry you don’t have to give it your credit card number or lie about wearing sexy lingerie. Just belly up to your laptop in your jammie pants and sweatshirt and conjugate your heart out.

As usual, the grammar gods do not stop at the easy stuff. You can conjugate a verb in present continuous form, present perfect, past simple, past continuous and past perfect. There are indicative, subjective, conditional and imperative forms of conjugation. Head hurt yet? I’ve got an imperative conjugation for you right here.

Here is an example of verb conjugation.

  • Present: I sleep with you.
  • Present Progressive: I am sleeping with you.
  • Past: I slept with you.
  • Perfect: I have slept with you.
  • Past perfect: I had slept with you.
  • Future: I will sleep with you.
  • Future Perfect: I will have slept with you.

Don’t get too excited. I only sleep with myself. Refer to Singular Conjugation above.

Did you learn something? No? Did you have fun? Well, I’d tell you to go conjugate yourself, but I tried. Can’t be done.

Yourself isn’t a verb.


{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Jester Queen September 7, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Oh baby, CONJUGATE YES, YES…. um I’ll have what she’s having….


Julie September 8, 2012 at 10:15 am

I’m having good grammar. Straight up, but sometimes a little twisted.

Sandra Tyler September 8, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Lol. Good.


Julie September 9, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Thanks Sandra!

Mike Schulenberg September 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Oh, I’m sure it’s definitely true if it’s on Wikipedia. It’s the repository of all human knowledge, you know 😉


Julie September 9, 2012 at 10:38 pm

It’s the repository of human something for sure. I take it with a grain of knowing salt. Thanks for reading, Mike!

Carolyn September 13, 2012 at 5:36 pm

sleeping with a hardened criminal… LOL
You’re hilarious when I’m NOT drinking wine, cool. :)


Julie September 13, 2012 at 10:12 pm

And when you are drinking wine, I’m freaking hysterical!

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